Inlightened Enterprises - Midlife Women Blog

AGING

Lakota Grandmother speaking to young adult grandson: 

“In the days of our youth, however, we put our faith in flesh, blood, and bone.  We think strength is going faster, farther, and higher.  We solve a problem by overwhelming it, or wearing it down.  But there comes a time when we can no longer do that.

“Eventually we learn to our dismay that we cannot go as fast, or as far, or as high.  So we learn the value of turning to our intellect, our ability to reason.  We attack a problem only after we’ve studied its various parts.  While flesh, blood, and bone cannot sustain strength indefinitely, we discover that knowledge can.  Its strength can grow and grow, indefinitely, if need be.

“With a store of knowledge, we begin to reach for wisdom.  As it is revealed to us more and more, we realize that we have reached our ultimate strength.  Like knowledge, wisdom grows.

“If knowledge is strength of mind, then wisdom is the strength of the soul.”

Keep Going: The Art of Perseverance

Page 71

Joseph M. Marshall III

Author of The Lakota Way

Recently I watched an Oprah show that featured Dr. Christiana Northroup and I was struck particularly by something she said (well, a lot of what she said). To paraphrase — our soul keeps calling us to grow and sends messages continually. When we do not listen to the message, it begins to speak to us through our bodies - hence, dis-ease and breakdowns. The more we ignore, the louder the call.

I don’t know about you, but I have discovered that this is quite true. I no longer believe that ANYTHING in life is accidental and I have learned that whatever happens, I am at cause. Nothing happens because, but all things happen to call me to be-cause. The Universe is normally very gentle and quiet, but, when we ignore its more subtle messages, they get louder. (somewhat like a mother in the Bronx calling her child in from play..I notice that the voices got louder when the children ignored the first few calls!)

I don’t know about you, but I want to become a better listener. I often blame my aches and pains on the ‘aging process’ - but, I’ve decided to truly believe that the aging process is not about hearing loss but about listening more deeply; it’s not about developing disease but about life becoming easier as I learn to listen.

What do you think? What’s been your experience?

Aging Well: Building a Legacy for the Future

By Dr. Stephen Ruppenthal

                                              www.directawakening.com

Have you ever thought that giving your life to what you do best might help you feel the weight of the years much less? It sounds implausible, but if you think about it, we are all special. All of us have something to pass on to others, so that the best of us lives on. Even if we don’t think we have them, all of us can discover and utilize our unique talents, skills, aptitudes, and character—whether we are 35 or 65– to make a life-enriching difference. Even if we are not Mother Teresa or Albert Einstein, we may well be an extraordinary partner, parent, grandparent, or friend, without really knowing it. Or we may be that artist or teacher who can ignite the spark of enthusiasm and adventure in those who will be here after we are gone. Shakespeare lays down the challenge as he says,

Look in the mirror and tell the face thou viewest

Now is the time that face should form another.

If you are interested not just in the undirected path of life, but in consciously leaving a legacy that will enrich lives you touch, here are four ways you can start right away:

 1)   Reflect on what about you should be shared and passed on: there is a Japanese saying that whatever we do, we should think how it will affect people ten generations later. When Bill and Melinda Gates made the change from profit to charitable giving, they found the world needed not just their wealth; it needed their own time and care, to place the resources exactly where they would make a long term difference. Most of us aren’t blessed with such wealth, but the process is the same. Think about it: whether it is qualities we possess or work we perform, how can we devote more time and attention to furthering the best in us, rather than frittering our precious energy on what will not matter, when we are no more?  My grandpa went through this reflection process when he retired and realized his real gift was his carpentry skills. He set about spending every spare minute giving freely to his community, where the door he crafted or window he replaced brings him lovingly to mind even today. Whether you write, act, paint, garden, do childcare work or political organizing, think as you create just how what you do may reach out into the future.

2)   Spend concentrated time with your kids and grandkids: society today gives us the message that material success trumps family bonds. But in leaving a legacy, it’s the people closest who are most likely to remember us. I am not just talking about saving for your kids’ college fund or providing amply for grandkids in your will, important as these are. We are remembered with much more fondness if we show the young our deepest love and closest attention. This usually entails hard choices, because all of us feel strapped for time. You may have to make hard choices like refusing to serve on a key committee, and instead be there for your granddaughter’s soccer season, or to help your son rehearse lines for his play. Our kids need us, more even than their peers, and more than they need great achievements in school or sports. This means being there for them from the very beginning. The love you give so freely will not just bring you continually to mind; the best part of you will live on in them.

3)   Be free in sharing as you work: many people have impressive things to show for the time they have spent improving their skills. You may have started a now flourishing company, become a leading craftsperson or artist, or helped the less fortunate through charitable work. But many such successful people know just what to do to succeed but don’t share very much. Trouble is, if you alone know your style of accomplishment, you will be a solo act, which will end with you. Even if it slows you down and changes your style, let others in. Whether you are a CEO or a painter, bring others aboard as you work and try to share your secrets with them. They will then have a lot more personal stake in the outcome, and when they work successfully in the future, they will think of you and continue what you have started.

4)    Delve into the heart of all: When you ponder where best to put your time and attention, give greatest value to what fits into a greater scheme, bigger than all of us. To do this, I find a spiritual practice helpful. Meditation, for instance, slows down the feverish pace of thought and allows an arrow’s entryway into a consciousness that is not just us, but everyone. If we attempt every day to bathe in that greater source of life and support, we will understand better just where to route all possible action into what will build our legacy. It may be the trees you plant; the art you paint, sculpt, write, or build; or the minds you enrich. And paradoxically, our own aging matters less when we pour ourselves into people and things that will in their own way continue us. If we search out just what will and put our efforts there, we will not only see how our face can leave an everlasting imprint– we may also not even realize we are growing old.

About the Author:

Dr. Stephen Ruppenthal is the author of  The Path of Direct Awakening: Passages for Meditation.He is also the co-author of Eknath Easwaran’s edition of The Dhammapada and the author of Keats and Zen. He has taught meditation and courses on Han Shan at UC Berkeley and San Francisco State University. Dr. Ruppenthal is an international workshop leader in passage meditation and in courses for those looking for end of life spiritual care and for the spiritual step component of twelve step programs. Visit Stephen’s work at  www.directawakenings.com.

I’ve been re-reading an old favorite, “You Money or Your Life” and am reminded of something I truly believe. Most of us don’t know when enough is enough. I, for one, never think I am doing enough…with the emphasis on the doing.

Midlife gives us the opportunity to pause and  begin to recognize that  what truly mattes in life, are not the things we’ve done or the gadgets we’ve accumulated, but the person we have become. I like who I am. I like who I am becoming. Do I HAVE it all?  No - nor do I think that’s a goal anymore.

I’m in the process of clearing out - cleaning out old clothes to make room for a new look I am developing. Cleaning out old journals - because they really only capture the moment they were written in, and that moment is no longer important.

Sometimes I grieve for those old moments. Grieving is an important part of moving forward, I believe. But, the grief is simply meant to be acknowledged and noticed and not lived from. I am living from my future - and it is constantly containing newness - different from the young girl who danced and sang. Different from the student and the poet. But, none the less special. I am learning to honor this new moment.  I am grateful. Are you?

Today I heard a lecture from someone who used to work with Tony Robbins. I want to share a process he shared with us. I think it fits in my latest midlife musings.

For anything to happen in life, for a true Midlife Reinvention,
you need to take it through several stages before setting goals:
Get Clear
Get Certain
Get Excited
Get Focused
Get Committed
Get Momentum
Get Smart

You can probably fill in the meaning of each of these. Let’s share our ideas on this. You know how I feel about getting clear! It’s what I focus on with all my coaching clients. It’s step one…and two and three..

Do you have a good coach? I do. I think it’s important. But, it’s particularly important to have one that honors YOU and your thinking and feeling, rather than one who tells you what to do. I discovered (well, I knew it before but it got clearer yesterday) that I often believe what other people say to me more than I trust my own guts and ideas. Why is that so? I haven’t fully explored that yet - I’ll keep you posted. But, I remember a time in high school when I got in trouble for something and my mom was angry at the teacher and I said - “she must be right!” Whew… I was already doubting my own knowing. I had done nothing wrong. Seriously.

It’s one of those midlife musings again to see the balance between getting help and acknowledging that you have all the answers within you. I’m beginning to see that the reason to go to a coach or counselor is to help get clear on what I already know. I often find myself saying, “No, that’s not it.” and that response is as valuable as the one that says, “right on!”

I invite you to ponder how often you go outside yourself to find answers that you already know. Do you know the difference. Let me hear from you. (It will help me clarify my own wisdom….)

Permit me to think out loud here because today I feel confused. EEKS - aren’t I the one who always talks about clarity? Well, I’m re-reading a book that I read many years ago called, Your Money or Your Life and it is helping me to highlight a major belief I have that ‘enough is enough’. For years now, I’ve been following the success gurus who talk about being a millionaire. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against money - far from it - but, I wonder if everyone is really called to have the same thing. I’m finding so many midlife women that I coach are simplifying their lives rather than attempting to accumulate more. I think it goes along with Carl Jung’s ideas about the growth of interiority during our midlife transitions.
I’m an advocate of using Allowing rather than Making things happen (Yes, I love the works of Abraham and Esther-Hicks!) - as well as the message in Wayne Dyer’s book on Inspiration. There truly is a difference between inspiration (allowing) and Motivation (making) things happen. Somewhere in between is a balance.

I’m also doing the program by Mark Joyner called Simpleology and he is Very clear on our need to set specific goals. I GET what he is saying and it makes sense. I clearly know that the Law of Attraction is not about visualizing without action and I know that what we focus on increases.

So, I continue to ponder - how much is enough? and when are goals important and when is it important to ALLOW the flow?

I’d love to hear your comments.