Inlightened Enterprises - Midlife Messages Blog

How many times have you heard yourself or your friends say, “I’m losing it”. EEKS… What are we doing to ourselves? Our words create our reality and if you are referring to forgetting things as you get older, I’d like to encourage you to reframe the experience. Isn’t it great that we forget a lot of our past - and even sometimes that we forget what we are saying at the moment? What do I mean?

Well, I don’t know about you, but, the memories I want to replay in my head are the ones where I was victorious, where I felt unconditional love and where I was at my peak. I remember these without hesitation. The other stuff — I may as well forget. Most of us dwell too much in our past anyway. We think it’s who we are when in fact, it’s no longer our truth. So, forgetting the past can be a very good thing.

What about forgetting mid-sentence what you were about to say? I find these moments sobering and they give me a chance to get centered and to ask myself, is this what I want to be thinking and saying right now? In other words, it keeps me more conscious - and that’s a good thing.

What about you? How do you feel about forgetting? Let’s hear from you here now.

I’m reading Marianne Williamson’s latest book again and it’s helping to evoke some of my own ideas about midlife. Her life and mine have been very different and while we are on similar paths, we come to some different conclusions or at least different viewpoints.

It’s made me wonder about what YOUR viewpoints on midlife are or have been? I’m writing these days on Messages that Women, in particular, have received about midlife.

As an example, I like to watch makeover shows — -not the extreme ones — but, things like What Not to Wear and How Do I Look. While I usually like those shows and love the way they help women with their self-esteem, one thing I noticed is that everyone they work with is YOUNG…. say 20 -30 mostly. Many times, when one of them isn’t dressing well, they say to her — You look 60! EEKS — I find myself cringing at the thought that that’s how these fashion icons see 60 year olds. I’ve passed 60 and I pride myself on the way I dress. I want to be a mentor and a model for what is possible.

What about you? What message do you see out there about being a midlife woman (or older?) Please post your comments here…You’ll be helping yourself as well as those who are following us in a better world!

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on YouTube…
Dr. Toni

I’ve been re-reading an old favorite, “You Money or Your Life” and am reminded of something I truly believe. Most of us don’t know when enough is enough. I, for one, never think I am doing enough…with the emphasis on the doing.

Midlife gives us the opportunity to pause and  begin to recognize that  what truly mattes in life, are not the things we’ve done or the gadgets we’ve accumulated, but the person we have become. I like who I am. I like who I am becoming. Do I HAVE it all?  No - nor do I think that’s a goal anymore.

I’m in the process of clearing out - cleaning out old clothes to make room for a new look I am developing. Cleaning out old journals - because they really only capture the moment they were written in, and that moment is no longer important.

Sometimes I grieve for those old moments. Grieving is an important part of moving forward, I believe. But, the grief is simply meant to be acknowledged and noticed and not lived from. I am living from my future - and it is constantly containing newness - different from the young girl who danced and sang. Different from the student and the poet. But, none the less special. I am learning to honor this new moment.  I am grateful. Are you?

Do you have a good coach? I do. I think it’s important. But, it’s particularly important to have one that honors YOU and your thinking and feeling, rather than one who tells you what to do. I discovered (well, I knew it before but it got clearer yesterday) that I often believe what other people say to me more than I trust my own guts and ideas. Why is that so? I haven’t fully explored that yet - I’ll keep you posted. But, I remember a time in high school when I got in trouble for something and my mom was angry at the teacher and I said - “she must be right!” Whew… I was already doubting my own knowing. I had done nothing wrong. Seriously.

It’s one of those midlife musings again to see the balance between getting help and acknowledging that you have all the answers within you. I’m beginning to see that the reason to go to a coach or counselor is to help get clear on what I already know. I often find myself saying, “No, that’s not it.” and that response is as valuable as the one that says, “right on!”

I invite you to ponder how often you go outside yourself to find answers that you already know. Do you know the difference. Let me hear from you. (It will help me clarify my own wisdom….)

People often speak of miracles by saying that they experience the power of God as if the power of God was beyond anything we can readily imagine or experience. But the truth is, as we develop the receptivity to OWNING God’s power as our OWN and start to realize that it is within each and every one of us, we begin to develop what has been called the mental equivalent of that which we want to create. We get the KNOWING that it is already ours. 

I can remember the first time, way back when, that I did a spiritual mind treatment or affirmative prayer. I remember feeling – wow – what I am speaking is really going to happen. In fact, it is happening as I speak. Do you remember the first time that happened to you? We get that there is a Power that we can use. We get to the knowing and owning that it is already ours. That’s when we come to see the miraculous as the ordinary in our experience. Do you really know how powerful you are? Do you know that the same power that is “out there” is in each and every one of us?

I remember once a woman coming to see me, whom I had not met before. She had only been to our church once, so she didn’t really know any of this teaching. She started telling me about a serious problem she was having with cancer. And as she was speaking, I got real clear that her problem had nothing to do with cancer. She began to share more and more, and began to tell me about the fact that she had been and was still in a very abusive relationship. She began to say to me, “I think that’s the issue. I’m terrified of stepping out on my own. Where would I ever get insurance? Who would take care of me? (Not that he was taking care of her!) I just listened and didn’t say a word to this woman. She sat there and looked at me and said, “I think I brought this into my life.” I would never have said to her, “You brought cancer into your life.” I don’t believe in that. You don’t want to look at people and say, “You have a cold – you must be doing xyz.” She said to me, “I’m beginning to realize that my allowing these experiences is actually causing and creating my experiences.” She was sitting in a chair and she suddenly jumped up out of the chair and said, “I’m powerful, aren’t I?” I said, “Yes, you are.” Then she said, “If I can do that, I can change my life.” She looked at me and started to cry, saying, “I’ve been through years and years of therapy and I’ve never felt free. I’m free.” I didn’t do a thing. She heard herself and in my presence, while I held a conscious space, she began to see her own power.

So, for all of us who are creating muck in our lives, see how powerful we are? Look what we can do. When we speak our word, and know what it is very clearly that we want, we can create it.